Humor

Was your life as devastated as ours when one, two, and then three days went by without a Straight Talk Warhammer? Did you feel feverish, slipping in and out of consciousness, and have long and repetitive arguments with yourself about whether or not Sokka from The Last Airbender was inspired by Xander Harris from Buffy the Vampire Slayer? Friends, we know exactly how you feel. But from those pits of despair and dreams we have wrangled news of one of the most excitingly original careers ever conceived of by a game which has already proven time and time again that a war between orcs and humans was too good an idea not to copy, the Witch Hunter. ...

You love you some Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning, but the game isn’t addicting enough. There should be some way of making your time away from the game an interminable hell. If only… if only there was a career that could give you such a high that when you came down, all you could think about would be your next fix – and the next after that. Meet the best friend you will ever have in the game, the one whose number is #1 speed dial on your cell phone, the one who always has what you need – the Runepriest. ...

Ever since Blizzard created the MMORPG genre with World of Warcraft, generations of people wondered if the genre they invented would end with that game – it was just so good, such a shining gem of perfection, that to add or subtract any one thing to that game would just mar its sublime beauty. And then Mythic dreamed of a new game, one as polished as WoW, but with things WoW had never imagined, like two sides forever at war – at WAR! – and battlegrounds where the two mortal enemies could meet in order to take on well-defined challenges for points. The name of this paragon of innovation? ...

Do you remember what life was like before Warhammer Online: The Age of Reckoning? I sure can’t. Well, sometimes it comes in little bits and pieces… a world where to do a raid or join a group, you had to talk to people, and sometimes, make friends. Brrr. We’re all pretty glad THOSE days are over! The exciting new Public Quests and Open Groups and Scenarios keep things nice and anonymous – just like watching porn in a movie theater! And that is the mastery AND mystery of Mythic’s groundbreakingly innovative new MMO that will forever change what we think of, when we think of MMOs – Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning. ...

We’re baaaaaaaack…..! Warhammer Online: The Age of Reckoning, brought public quests to a public quest-less world, Tomes of Knowledge to the forgetful, open groups to the friendless, and in all ways has transformed the world. Warhammer Online has twenty unique classes or ‘careers’, and each one plays like no other class in any other MMO, proving once again that WAR’s innovative and unique game play will have every other MMO dev yelling to their computer, “Why didn’t WE have something like that!” ...

Back in 2003, The Quon was having trouble getting people to realize that their class was crap because they were not a cleric, the class around which Norrath revolved. And if they WERE a cleric, they were crap because they were not The Quon. I can just imagine that The Quon is starting a Warrior Priest on some server right now. If you wanted to group with The Quon, you better know your responsibilities to The Quon – and because he was JUST THAT GOOD, he wrote up a list of his expectations for his groupmates, by class… ...

40 long years ago, an intrepid Swiss scientist first discovered that aliens had come to Earth many times in our past, always guiding mankind toward sapience, civilization, and the stars. They made us who we are today, and they brought us Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning. Only the alien intelligences that have already brought us public quests, open groups, the Tome of Knowledge and Realm vs Realm could bring us the dark wonders of the Inevitable City. ...

Hey, welcome back to the second in our exclusive series about the exciting innovative gameplay of Mythic’s Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning. Public quests, open groups, the excitement of the Tome of Knowledge, all things never seen before the evil geniuses at Mythic brewed them up in charmed cauldrons on some fog-shrouded Scottish moor, with the witch-goddess Hecate shrieking over it. It’s a well-known fact that the color red in the game packaging is made from blood. ...

Warhammer Online. Warhammer. WAR. WAAAAGH. All ways to describe the game sweeping our interwebs in ways Google can easily find. More? Public quests? This game has public quests. Tome of Knowledge? This is the ONLY GAME with a Tome of Knowledge. World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King, coming this November, does not have public quests OR a Tome of Knowledge. Order. Destruction. War everywhere becomes WAR everywhere. Public quests and the Tome of Knowledge and Order and Destruction and Realm vs Realm – things every game, such as Blizzard’s World of Warcraft, and its upcoming Wrath of the Lich King expansion, will soon have in abundance. Soon, EA Mythic’s Warhammer Online: Age of Reckoning will no longer be able to call public quests, and the Tome of Knowledge, something exclusive only to WAR. ...

Stout Henry walked with a quick step toward Cotsberry Market, leading a beautiful brown mare. He looked up at the morning sun, adjusted his broad brimmed hat, flipped back the corners of his tattered cloak with the hand-stitched emblem of a wolf howling at the moon adorning the back, and took a sip from the water skin slung at his hip. Before long, he caught up with an old woman pushing a cart full of apples. “Hail, apple merchant!” called Stout Henry cheerily, “Tis a beautiful day, is it not?”. The old woman looked back over her shoulder. “Hmmph. Be a darn sight better day if’n your horse could pull this cart to market.” ...